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How To Annoy Everyone On A Night Out (Ladies Edition)

Maybe you’ve had a bad day or hey, maybe you’re just feeling it? Here’s how to really annoy people without landing yourself a potential prison sentence. Whether you learn from or totally ignore this list is your choice.

  • Whether at dinner or pre-gaming, this is your chance to be especially loud. Assert your presence and authority immediately and make sure everyone in the room notes your attendance, and knows you’re looking and feeling feisty and fabulous. Remember to assure everyone that you look the hottest out of everyone there, whilst exclaiming that you just don’t understand how your metabolism quite does it!?
  • If anyone appears to be drinking less/none at all, be sure to immediately single them out. Preferably call them a loser (++ points for repetitive chanting) in your most sincere tone possible and tell them there’s not a chance in hell they can be associated with you and your ‘squad’ anymore. Because squad references are TOTALLY in and haven't been overdone at all.
  • Be sure to take over the music and play whatever you know the group hates most. At their likely protest, insist that it’s currently totally “in vibe”, and they wouldn’t understand style and trends if someone smacked them in the face with a Birkin. Ignorance is not OK.
  • If you’re at dinner, make sure you order the most expensive things on the menu and insist on splitting the bill equally at the end as it’s soooo much easier. When did your friends get so tight anyway?
  • When ordering taxis, if any of your friends suggest getting in an Uber X, scoff loudly and laugh hysterically in their face. As IF you would get in anything less than an exec...
  • At the club, queue barge (duh) because you do not queue and if any of your friends don’t get in, be sure to give them a courteous pat on the shoulder whilst wishing them better luck next time, before heading in.
  • When in the club, it should feel only natural to act like you’re famous. Be sure to exclaim ‘do you even know who I am’ if anyone so much as looks at you and ensure you get so drunk that your dress/skirt rides right on up. That’s the sure fire way to impress the boys anyway.

    Oh and obviously, why bother with a glass when it’s so much more fun to pour vodka straight into your mouth from the bottle anyway?